Mind altering day!

Not such a good day today! Forgot to take my anti-depressants and had to come home at lunch time to get them. This made me feel anxious and out of control but after I took a tablet I didn´t feel too good and have been especially jittery this evening! Feel quite nauseaus right now and felt distant, angry and panicky on the way home. Am so sick of this (pardon the pun!), I can´t drink alcohol, can´t control by own body and mind and without my medicine feel horrible and spaced out. Was feeling pretty good until day but now I´ve experienced life without medication, I realise that this ´normality´ I feel is an illusion. Am now dreading coming off anti-depressants and fear what the experience will be like. Would be quite happy to never stop taking them but I know that whilst ingesting them the world is slightly illusionary and it isn´t exactly the way I perceive or feel it right now. I guess being positive, I´ve taken two steps forward and one step back today. Tomorrow I´ll try and take another two!

Am moving house soon which I´m hoping will help me to move on in life but am dreading feeling even more lonely than I do right now. The problem with this kind of loneliness is that it´s not cured by being around other people. I have plenty of friends and usually have an active social life but when you´re like me it doesn´t change that lonely gaping void inside, it just helps you to forget for a while. Ever been surrounded by peeps and yet feel totally alone? That´s how I feel deep inside and I have no idea how to fill that void!