Weekend ups and downs!

Had a good weekend but last night was pretty anxious and had feelings of nausea, tingling fingers and exhaustion as I received a 'stroppy' email from my sister. Basically I was supposed to and have been trying to arrange a trip to Prague for my father's birthday but due to complicated life situations decided that I couldn't. My sister initially said she would understand but she obviously didn't once I had decided and her email reply then sent adrenaline through my body. I phoned my Mum because she is a good, balanced person to talk to and because despite my initial feelings of anger and wanting to defend myself against my sister's allegations, I knew it would be an unproductive and destructive thing to do.I spoke to my Mum and explained that although it's true I'm getting better and that I've been telling her positive things, I'm still only half way to really being better again. At the moment I'm still very delicate and I'm taking small steps in getting better but I'm scared that at any moment I might 'fall' back into depression, extreme anxiety and drinking.

Speaking to my Mum really helped to get it off my chest and find some kind of pyschological resolve but it didn't alleviate my anxiety completely and I spent the night cooped up in my room, feeling the physical sensations of anxiety that I have already explained.

Today was a better day, no anxiety and I went on a trip to the beach with a friend and had a good time and some fresh air and sunshine. It seems that when I'm in my own little world, everything is fine but when I'm attacked or criticised or questioned about my motives, I still can't handle it and my psychology breaks down.
Going to have to continue on fighting and climbing this steep mountain to happiness!
Wish me luck!