Let's try one more time..

My last entry was not beneficial at all! I was angry because although I've been enjoying the last few days, I still have these ridiculous attacks. In fact the last few days have been kinda surreal in that I've been hanging our more with my new friend who is being really supportive (I'm taking way more than I'm giving!) and feeling content and warm inside again. She also knows that you have to stand up to someone like me and not let me drink and I think she knows that when I'm being horrible, it's not because I'm bad, evil, or scarred inside - BUT it's a defence mechanism because I'm so much more vulnerable inside. Suffice to say, its fab to have someone like this (finally!) and I hope despite my inevitable attempts to push her away ( I guarantee I will BTW) she will help me find my real, sweet self and keep the monster at bay.

She also posits the idea that people like us are not 'freaks' but more like people
with special powers. I like this approach, it's a more positive way of thinking about ourselves than as social misfits, freaks or plain loopy! The power then has to be guided, channelled and fine-tuned so that when it's focussed it is positively directed. For example in my case, maybe I channel it into music. For other people it will be different of course. 
Anyways, I guess the proof will be in the pudding and in my case, perhaps NOT in the liquor!