Black night, white light

Last night was the final straw. I got home at 9pm and hit the whiskey. Then decided to go out for a drink with some friends. Had only eaten a piece of toast all day and so you can imagine the consequences. I drunk a couple of beers and then switched to gin despite the protests of my friend.
Now although nothing particularly bad happened as I meandered down this well-trodden path, one thing hit me about my behaviour. Walking a long journey home, drunk and unable to walk straight, alone in a large city at 3am is NOT looking after oneself! In fact it's the opposite. I also pissed off one of my friends and
became very low. When I got home I took a valium to make me sleep and have woken up today feeling dirty and ridiculous.

My boss phoned me this morning and I realised after the conversation that I hadn't sounded 'right'. 'Right', in the sense that I was lethargic, grumpy and didn't want to do anything except avoid the outside world. I phoned him back and told him that I'm going back on meds and into therapy and called my doctor. I'm awaiting his reply as this is now the third time I've disappeared off his radar so I hope he hasn't given up on me as most other people do, sooner or
later. This isn't their fault however, I'm just an expert at pushing and pushing until they do!

So I've decided no more alcohol, much more chocolate and a healthy dose of sertraline ASAP is the way forward. I also have some personal projects I want to pursue to channel my anxiety energy in a much more positive way!