Uncomfortably numb!

I'm getting so much 'lower' now that have to fight just to write this stuff. Although my friend came round last night and was supportive, I know I'm slipping back
into the abyss, the void, the dark side of reality. I bought a bottle of whiskey on the way home and
although my 'healthier' voice was protesting against it and although I know right now it's a bad
idea, I don't have the energy to fight. The idea is unappealing ( to be honest) but drinking is less unappealing than being 'me' right now with all the technicolour reality that this entails. It's not
a choice between 'good and bad' but bad and too numb to care that I feel bad. I've said it
before and I'll say it again, I'm so sick of this. It's boring now, it's so boring and pathetic, like
movie trilogies that don't know when to stop miking the cash cow or re-runs of the last series of
'friends'. Whatever... I don't even have the desire to think of symalies right now so I'll just go and
keep descending downwards until I reach a state of non-awareness of who or where or why I am..