To free or not to free!

I've been thinking that the problem with this condition for me is FREEDOM. Once you have suffered an attack you will never be the same again. Forever you are burdened with the thought in your mind that when you are not having an attack it's just bonus time. Basically I feel like I've lost a lot of my liberty. Can I drink alcohol? Does caffeine in coffee affect me? Is stress in my life a cause? Should I move to another country? Is the city a part of the problem? Was my upbringing part of the problem or not? and so on and so forth ad nauseaum......BLAH I'm so tired of this....