Monday - Back to the grindstone?

Another good day today! Didn’t have quite as much work as I thought I would and so had a lunch with a friend of mine in the sun, which was nice. Talked a little about my condition and ex, so managed to get a few things off of my chest. The fact that I was ‘out’ and feeling no anxiety was also a plus! Been thinking that although I’ve been having a hard time as of late, things seem to be looking up. I’m not anxious about the doctor tomorrow (yet!) and am feeling much more calm inside like the tempest has dissipated and the waves are just lapping gently against the shore of my soul!

A friend asked me why the imagery work was always about exploring painful memories and I want to put the record straight. Ultimately re-working old, painful memories is our goal but at the moment due to the power of my ‘protector’ we are only able to explore less painful ones as I am unable to re-live memories of utter fear. The doctor is basically trying to form a relationship with ‘lonely Mark’ which is the imprisoned, lonely child that has been festering inside of me for 20years.. Little by little this child is starting to trust the psychiatrist and together we are learning to confront my ‘bully of a father’ again which helps the boy grow stronger. Sometimes the imagery also involves me taking on the role of my Father which is strange to say the least. The main point about this type of therapy is that it is very subjective, so my pain is seen as not something to be questioned as such but it is as real as I have made it or believe it to be. Maybe some of my memories are biased are not exactly objective but this is unimportant as these memories are eating up my insides and destroying me so must be dispelled! This is our quest, a long and hard one but through time and patience, I believe it is achievable and I’ll be a stronger, more confident person for it!