Friday in the fast lane?

Well despite having a really good day at work now the weekend is virtually here, it’s time for my anxiety to kick in! Got home around 6pm after meeting a friend for coffee and cooked some food but two hours on and am starting to feel the chemical changes in my body and mind of my old friend anxiety. I was thinking that it feels kind of like being drugged but in this case rather than getting ‘high’, you feel lower than usual with a side order of despair! I wouldn’t mind so much if it was because of a drug but it’s not and so you never know from moment to moment when the change will take place. It’s happening right now and I’m trying to hear the doctor’s voice in my head saying ‘noting can hurt you, nothing bad is going to happen and it’ll pass soon, just ignore it and let it pass’. Well I understand this in theory but right now, I feel angry because I don’t want to feel like this, it’s Friday night for Christ’s sake and I should be meeting friends not cooped up in my prison cell of a room feeling despair and questioning what the point is of living and going through this stupid time of lowness, drowsiness and stuck in my own head! It’s not fair! I never caused this, all I did was react to the world around me in the best way I could and now I’m paying the cost for other people’s bad behaviour and parenting! Not only that but it’s costing me a small fortune and has ruined all my relationships and is sucking every last penny out of me, so much so that I don’t know how much longer I can continue like this.