Doctor calls in sick!

I was all 'psyched' up for my trip to the doctor when he cancelled until Friday because of the flu! This is not such a bad thing however as it psychologically gives me a chance to see if I can stand on my own two feet. The fact that he is there as a crutch each week is more significant than you think. At the moment one of his techniques is to become a surrogate father to me and help build the 'lonely' little boy inside of me up and stronger. It's like this part of me has been imprisoned all of his life and we're trying to befriend him and strengthen him enough to live in the real world. I imagine the scene like a dungeon where the lonely boy is imprisoned yet safe and outside the walls of the dungeon is a large bowser type figure (a large fighting beast!) who is always ready for action and is paranoid of trouble! This is the protector side of me which we need to weaken! I say weaken because the protector is not evil or useless, we all have one, it's just in my case the protector has become too strong and often makes bad decisions! For eg Hmm maybe a little wine will help to calm me down....

I also often imagine the classic cartoon figures of a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other. The protector you can imagine is the the devil figure (although he's not actually evil!) and the lonely boy, the angel. Now in most people the two figures would be equal and constantly going back and forth, debating etc..but in my case the devil is much bigger than the angel and so the angel can't be heard and the devil runs all the shows! Now, what we are trying to do, is make the angel bigger so that it can be heard and have a chance to stand up to the devil figure! In this way you can almost think of it more like an equal debating system so I am able to way up the pros and cons of any situation with a balanced sense of perspective, with the angel and devil both having their chances to speak! Sounds crazy but believe me it works and don't forget these are only metaphorical concepts that are applied to Psychological processes!

BTW I'm still avoiding coffee and feeling less anxious! However I did get a little anxiety last night before sleeping probably because I didn't go to the doctor! I let it pass however and fell asleep!